billso.com

From a joking friend:

Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important emails in 2003 and 2004! It’s so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform! Because of all of you:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because they cause cancer.

I don’t leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, for fear that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogen they contain may turn me gay.

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

When I go to parties, I now don’t mix with anybody, for fear that someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made, expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.

It’s weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disney. But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten seconds, a bird will crap on you today at 7:00 PM.

USA: Charlie has reached landfall at Sanibel Island. Tampa will get soaked, but my favorite vacation island is getting wrecked. And there’s still a 20 foot storm surge to deal with.

Movies: Who said that white men can’t cuss? Outtakes from a Winnebago industrial film in 1989. You’ll need QuickTime and a decent connection. Thanks, Boing Boing.

Hawaii: Honolulu Star-Bulletin: Fair and balanced. Like I said, it’s a class act the whole way around. “In a statement issued late last night, Gov. Linda Lingle said, ‘The Board of Regents’ decision reflects what it believes is in the best interest of the University of Hawaii system and its students. ‘As additional information is made available by the board in the coming days, we will have a clearer understanding of the reasons for President Dobelle’s dismissal and what the university’s next steps are.’ Dobelle is on vacation on the mainland and is not scheduled to return to the university until next week. The board attempted to reach Dobelle for several hours last night at his hotel room. Lee said they were able to tell Dobelle’s wife about his firing, but they did not talk to him.”